The three men I danced with

Tonight I went dancing at a local Latin club.  I brought some of my friends from church and was showing them how to dance Bachata and Merengue.

I learned how to dance in the DR when I was on vacation in Punta Cana.  I had always been fascinated by the way people danced at quinceaneras and at the parties I went to, so Mom arranged for a guy to come teach me how to dance.  It was so fun!  He taught me how to move my hips and show off for the people I'm dancing with.  I love dancing merengue and bachata, and I love feeling confident in my dancing.  Nobody expects a white girl to be able to dance like a Latina.

For some reason I get really bold and flirtatious when I go Latin Dancing.  As soon as we got there I started dancing and saw two guys who were just standing there.  Of course, being abnormally flirtatious I went and asked one of them to dance.  He didn't know how to dance, so I taught him the basics of bachata.  He was white and very tall and very awkward and shy, but it was fun teaching him how to dance.

The second guy I danced with asked me where I was from as soon as we started dancing.  When I go latin dancing I tell people I am from the Dominican Republic, so I told him.  He then told me that that's where his parents are from!  Interesting.

The third guy I danced with was a fantastic merenguero.  We didn't talk, we just spun around and around.  I love it when a man knows how to lead a dance. It's kind of magical being able to communicate without talking, just by following his lead.

Hiking

So I just got back from Squaw Peak in Provo canyon, which is a notorious make out spot, but also is a hiking trail.  Who knew?

Anyways it was about 3.5 miles up from the trail head, but we had to hike about 1.5 miles to the trail head, so it was more hiking than any of us anticipated.  Bummer.  Also it was hot.  Also none of us brought enough water, so we were all feeling kind of dehydrated, and I got a sunburn.

There was a cute little stream that we had to cross five times on the way to the trail head. Guys, I think I am in love.  Streams and creeks and rivers and lakes and any freshwater is my favorite. I think if I could have I would have just sat in that stream all day.

And then it was steep when we got to the trail.  Seriously we had to stop like every 3 minutes because we were so exhausted.  Anyways, now I'm back and I showered and washed my hair (confession: I haven't washed my hair since Monday.  It was pretty gross.) and want to just lay in bed.

I love hiking!  It makes me feel so happy.

What am I doing?

I have no idea.  I feel like I'm just living my life with no concrete plans or dreams, or even ambitions.  I don't really know what I want to do with my life, when I will graduate, or even what I will be doing next fall.  Where will I live? Where will I work?  Am I going to change my major again?

When I was younger, at the end of high school, I thought that by the time I was 21 I would probably have some things figured out, like whether or not I want to go on a mission.  I wanted to go on a mission, and when I went to talk to my bishop and stake president I was devastated to find out that because of some health issues I would be unable to serve a mission.  Now, I can probably put in my mission papers in a couple of months and try again to go on a mission, but I'm not so sure I want to.  The drive and desire to go is gone, and I'm just not feeling it.  I was so sure before, but now I just don't know.  It's weird.

So tell me: am I ever going to feel more sure about what I'm doing?  Is this a normal thing?  Any advice?

Also, I'm thinking of getting a second job.  I already work 40 hours a week, but because I'm going to go to the DR I'm not going to be working during July.  I'm thinking of getting another part time job, so I would be working around 60 hours a week.  What do you think?  Where should I apply?

Five Things

1. I'm finished with finals!  I just finished my last final for the semester, Econ, and I did well.  I'm feeling pretty good about myself....

2. I also did really well in my Spanish final last night--  I was in the testing room for only 10 minutes and I got a 98 percent.  I probably should have been in a higher class.

3. Yesterday we had a clothing swap at my apartment with my ward.  We all cleaned out our closets, brought the extra stuff to the clothing swap, and then took what we wanted.  I got rid of a lot of stuff I didn't need anymore, and I walked away with a sweet jean jacket and some nice water shoes!

4. I start working full time on Monday which means more money for me!

5. I'm probably going back to the DR this summer, at the end of June for an internship with my university.  There's a group of students going there to teach technology and they need a translator.  I'm so excited to go back, see some old friends, and have more adventures.

I love pie

Lemon meringue pie especially.  I made some today, and it turned out fantastically.

I'm making another one tomorrow to take to Jon and AJ's house for thanksgiving.  Today was just a practice round.  

Feeling like Betty Crocker...

I'm unsure of myself.  This next fall I will be leaving this country, alone.  Without any help I will have to make a new life for myself at a new university in the United States.  And I'm scared.

I'm scared that I will feel like an outsider looking in.  Most of the people I'm surrounded by won't have any idea what it's like outside of their America.  They won't understand why I had to go to a private school, or why I didn't really go out with friends on the weekend, or why I was terrified to go out on the streets by myself, or why it makes me nervous to drink tap water.  I am scared that by living here I will be so irrevocably different than them that I will be unable to interact with them.

I'm scared I will be alone.  This experience of living in the Dominican Republic has changed me so much.  Before I moved here I couldn't even conceive the idea that there might be a place where the public schools were not adequate, or a place where beggars with only one arm and one leg hopped down the street and knocked on your window, begging for money to feed himself.  But you can't really help him.  and if you try there are too many of the poor and desperate to really make a difference.   No one has any idea what it is like, and that's all that I think of.  I will want to talk about it with somebody, but I know that not many will understand.

But I'm scared that I will lose that.  What if I get so caught up in my new American life that I forget what it's like to hear gunshots outside my window?  What If I forget how to speak Spanish?  What if I become just like I used to be, caught up in my own happy American life that I forget what it is like to be here?

I know I don't belong in this country.  I don't belong to or quite understand the culture, and Dominicans frustrate me often.  But I don't feel like I quite fit in the American culture either.  I feel like a man without a country, and I am scared that I will be in this nomadic state my entire life.  I don't want to be in the Dominican Republic anymore, but I don't want to move to The States.  But I have to.  I have to move on with my life.  I can't be in this limbo forever.  I'm scared.

Mi Colmado

Today we are having Chinese food delivered from Chino Li.  It should be here pretty soon.

How will I live when I go back to the states and I can't have anything and everything delivered right to my doorstep?

Here in the D.R. they have things called Colmados.  They are amazing.  Seriously, the U.S. should get a few of them.

 

This is what most of them look like.  They are just little stores and they are EVERYWHERE.  I swear there is one on every corner.

What I like most about them is that you can call them and they will deliver anything you want right to your doorstep.  From toilet paper to chewing gum,  these stores have anything you could ever want.  (well actually probably not.  They have a limited supply of everything)

It is so dang convenient!  Say you are sitting out on your porch and suddenly you get a hankering for a good cold soda pop.  You can just call them up and it will be in your hand in less than 5 minutes.

Not to mention you can have any type of food delivered to your house.  KFC delivers, McDonald's delivers, pizza delivers (obviously).  It's great.

I think it's a good business idea.  I could open up a little store and deliver stuff to your house.  I could be rich! What do you think?  Would it work?