I'm unsure of myself.  This next fall I will be leaving this country, alone.  Without any help I will have to make a new life for myself at a new university in the United States.  And I'm scared.

I'm scared that I will feel like an outsider looking in.  Most of the people I'm surrounded by won't have any idea what it's like outside of their America.  They won't understand why I had to go to a private school, or why I didn't really go out with friends on the weekend, or why I was terrified to go out on the streets by myself, or why it makes me nervous to drink tap water.  I am scared that by living here I will be so irrevocably different than them that I will be unable to interact with them.

I'm scared I will be alone.  This experience of living in the Dominican Republic has changed me so much.  Before I moved here I couldn't even conceive the idea that there might be a place where the public schools were not adequate, or a place where beggars with only one arm and one leg hopped down the street and knocked on your window, begging for money to feed himself.  But you can't really help him.  and if you try there are too many of the poor and desperate to really make a difference.   No one has any idea what it is like, and that's all that I think of.  I will want to talk about it with somebody, but I know that not many will understand.

But I'm scared that I will lose that.  What if I get so caught up in my new American life that I forget what it's like to hear gunshots outside my window?  What If I forget how to speak Spanish?  What if I become just like I used to be, caught up in my own happy American life that I forget what it is like to be here?

I know I don't belong in this country.  I don't belong to or quite understand the culture, and Dominicans frustrate me often.  But I don't feel like I quite fit in the American culture either.  I feel like a man without a country, and I am scared that I will be in this nomadic state my entire life.  I don't want to be in the Dominican Republic anymore, but I don't want to move to The States.  But I have to.  I have to move on with my life.  I can't be in this limbo forever.  I'm scared.

Mi Colmado

Today we are having Chinese food delivered from Chino Li.  It should be here pretty soon.

How will I live when I go back to the states and I can't have anything and everything delivered right to my doorstep?

Here in the D.R. they have things called Colmados.  They are amazing.  Seriously, the U.S. should get a few of them.

 

This is what most of them look like.  They are just little stores and they are EVERYWHERE.  I swear there is one on every corner.

What I like most about them is that you can call them and they will deliver anything you want right to your doorstep.  From toilet paper to chewing gum,  these stores have anything you could ever want.  (well actually probably not.  They have a limited supply of everything)

It is so dang convenient!  Say you are sitting out on your porch and suddenly you get a hankering for a good cold soda pop.  You can just call them up and it will be in your hand in less than 5 minutes.

Not to mention you can have any type of food delivered to your house.  KFC delivers, McDonald's delivers, pizza delivers (obviously).  It's great.

I think it's a good business idea.  I could open up a little store and deliver stuff to your house.  I could be rich! What do you think?  Would it work?