In exactly one month I will be back in Santo Domingo. I'm going there with a group of BYU students to teach at a summer program for secondary school children. This summer school is low cost for public school children who are recommended for the program by their teachers. The program allows opportunities for learning that would not be available to most public school children and also allows them a chance to get into University. This is a wonderful program for poorer children that wouldn't otherwise have these opportunities.
The woman who runs the program gets funds from sponsors and donations outside and inside the DR. She is an LDS woman and needed some teachers so she called BYU to ask them to send some students to teach. My friend heard about the program and referred me to it, and I arranged to go as a Spanish speaking translator/teacher.
I will be teaching technology and engineering to eighth and ninth grade kids for one month. We're teaching about batteries, circuitry, magnets, and electronics, which is something that I don't know much about myself. It's been interesting looking up and trying to learn about these things for myself before meeting with my group to start planning the lessons.
I have no idea how to teach, and a lot of the other students don't either. However, we're very enthusiastic about this opportunity for us and for our students. This will be an amazing challenge for me and the other teachers, and I'm thrilled to be able to do this.
martes, 27 de mayo de 2014
lunes, 19 de mayo de 2014
Let's Be Real
I have Depression. And anxiety, but mostly depression right now.
I feel like this has been such a huge part of my life, but I'm too scared to tell people. Well not anymore. Here it is:
I have had this sickness since I was about 14 years old. It started out as mostly social anxiety. I was terrified to do things that most people have no difficulty with, like calling people on the phone, talking to teachers, and going to parties. When I moved to the DR it developed into a generalized anxiety, which means I felt anxiety and stress for no noticeable reason, just walking down the street or sitting at school.
It developed into more of a depression around my senior year of high school. All of the friends that I was very close with had moved away, and I was unhappy with my social situation at school. I was terribly lonely, and it didn't help that I couldn't properly communicate with most people who were around. Still, it wasn't that bad. I could still live my life relatively well and function as a normal person.
In October two years ago there was an announcement made in general conference that girls 19 years and older could go on missions for the church. I was ecstatic. This was what I wanted more than anything in the world. I prayed about it and I thought about it and decided that I would talk to my bishop about serving a mission for my church. I decided that before I went on my mission it would be a good idea to seek some counseling for my anxiety and depression problems, so I went to my university's free counseling services.
I started seeing a therapist every week and we talked about all of the things that bothered me about my childhood. It was very painful and difficult for me. I didn't click well with my therapist and would often come back from these therapy sessions feeling emotionally drained and fragile. I went to talk to my bishop about going on a mission, and was told that because I had anxiety and depression, I wouldn't be able to serve a mission.
This crushed me. I was so sure that I was meant to go on a mission. I cried for days and was very sad for weeks after that. Honestly I felt a little bit suicidal. I felt that I had no real reason for living and that my life wasn't worth it.
Eventually I decided to stop seeing my therapist. It was making me exhausted and I didn't feel like it was helping at all. The stabbing pain that came from not being able to serve a mission turned to an ache. I was okay.
I kept getting worse and worse until last fall. During October and November I had a really rough time. I was having severe depression and I was suicidal. I felt bored and lonely, and and I thought that I would never have any real happiness again. I hadn't really felt anything for a long time and I felt kind of numb. I didn't feel like life was worth it anymore. I started planning how I would kill myself. Most people have difficulty with death, but to me it seemed like a relief from what I was living through at the time.
In December there came a night where I was feeling particularly scared. It's an odd thing, being scared that you might harm yourself. I called my mom and told her how I was feeling. It was difficult to tell my mom because I didn't want to disappoint her and I didn't want to burden her with my thoughts. It turned out to be very good for me. She calmed me down and convinced me to see a therapist the next day.
I went to the University counseling center and was assigned to a therapist who was perfect for me. I felt comfortable around him and told him all that I was feeling. He seemed actually concerned with my welfare and tried to help me. I clicked with this therapist. He smiled more and was more cheerful. Much better than my other one. I saw him for a few weeks, then during Christmas break I had an appointment with a doctor.
I had been previously unwilling to try medicines but was then so desperate that I was glad to try anything that would help. I believe that God might have allowed me to despair so much so that I would be wiling to try medicine. I honestly do not remember the last time I was this content with my life. What was a heavy burden has been lifted to a light weight and I am so, so grateful.
I'm in a good place now. I have some magnificent friends that I believe were sent by God, I feel content with my job and schoolwork, and I am basically happy. I still have difficult days here and there, but it is easier to deal with them, knowing that the next will probably be better. Never have I felt the influence of God more in my life than when I was despairing in my depression and finally getting some relief. I'm so grateful.
I feel like this has been such a huge part of my life, but I'm too scared to tell people. Well not anymore. Here it is:
I have had this sickness since I was about 14 years old. It started out as mostly social anxiety. I was terrified to do things that most people have no difficulty with, like calling people on the phone, talking to teachers, and going to parties. When I moved to the DR it developed into a generalized anxiety, which means I felt anxiety and stress for no noticeable reason, just walking down the street or sitting at school.
It developed into more of a depression around my senior year of high school. All of the friends that I was very close with had moved away, and I was unhappy with my social situation at school. I was terribly lonely, and it didn't help that I couldn't properly communicate with most people who were around. Still, it wasn't that bad. I could still live my life relatively well and function as a normal person.
In October two years ago there was an announcement made in general conference that girls 19 years and older could go on missions for the church. I was ecstatic. This was what I wanted more than anything in the world. I prayed about it and I thought about it and decided that I would talk to my bishop about serving a mission for my church. I decided that before I went on my mission it would be a good idea to seek some counseling for my anxiety and depression problems, so I went to my university's free counseling services.
I started seeing a therapist every week and we talked about all of the things that bothered me about my childhood. It was very painful and difficult for me. I didn't click well with my therapist and would often come back from these therapy sessions feeling emotionally drained and fragile. I went to talk to my bishop about going on a mission, and was told that because I had anxiety and depression, I wouldn't be able to serve a mission.
This crushed me. I was so sure that I was meant to go on a mission. I cried for days and was very sad for weeks after that. Honestly I felt a little bit suicidal. I felt that I had no real reason for living and that my life wasn't worth it.
Eventually I decided to stop seeing my therapist. It was making me exhausted and I didn't feel like it was helping at all. The stabbing pain that came from not being able to serve a mission turned to an ache. I was okay.
I kept getting worse and worse until last fall. During October and November I had a really rough time. I was having severe depression and I was suicidal. I felt bored and lonely, and and I thought that I would never have any real happiness again. I hadn't really felt anything for a long time and I felt kind of numb. I didn't feel like life was worth it anymore. I started planning how I would kill myself. Most people have difficulty with death, but to me it seemed like a relief from what I was living through at the time.
In December there came a night where I was feeling particularly scared. It's an odd thing, being scared that you might harm yourself. I called my mom and told her how I was feeling. It was difficult to tell my mom because I didn't want to disappoint her and I didn't want to burden her with my thoughts. It turned out to be very good for me. She calmed me down and convinced me to see a therapist the next day.
I went to the University counseling center and was assigned to a therapist who was perfect for me. I felt comfortable around him and told him all that I was feeling. He seemed actually concerned with my welfare and tried to help me. I clicked with this therapist. He smiled more and was more cheerful. Much better than my other one. I saw him for a few weeks, then during Christmas break I had an appointment with a doctor.
I had been previously unwilling to try medicines but was then so desperate that I was glad to try anything that would help. I believe that God might have allowed me to despair so much so that I would be wiling to try medicine. I honestly do not remember the last time I was this content with my life. What was a heavy burden has been lifted to a light weight and I am so, so grateful.
I'm in a good place now. I have some magnificent friends that I believe were sent by God, I feel content with my job and schoolwork, and I am basically happy. I still have difficult days here and there, but it is easier to deal with them, knowing that the next will probably be better. Never have I felt the influence of God more in my life than when I was despairing in my depression and finally getting some relief. I'm so grateful.
sábado, 17 de mayo de 2014
tipos de bailadores de bachata
I find this video amusing. A friend of mine posted it on facebook. It's just a funny video that shows the different types of male bachata dancers. Enjoy!
viernes, 16 de mayo de 2014
The three men I danced with
Tonight I went dancing at a local Latin club. I brought some of my friends from church and was showing them how to dance Bachata and Merengue.
I learned how to dance in the DR when I was on vacation in Punta Cana. I had always been fascinated by the way people danced at quinceaneras and at the parties I went to, so Mom arranged for a guy to come teach me how to dance. It was so fun! He taught me how to move my hips and show off for the people I'm dancing with. I love dancing merengue and bachata, and I love feeling confident in my dancing. Nobody expects a white girl to be able to dance like a Latina.
For some reason I get really bold and flirtatious when I go Latin Dancing. As soon as we got there I started dancing and saw two guys who were just standing there. Of course, being abnormally flirtatious I went and asked one of them to dance. He didn't know how to dance, so I taught him the basics of bachata. He was white and very tall and very awkward and shy, but it was fun teaching him how to dance.
The second guy I danced with asked me where I was from as soon as we started dancing. When I go latin dancing I tell people I am from the Dominican Republic, so I told him. He then told me that that's where his parents are from! Interesting.
The third guy I danced with was a fantastic merenguero. We didn't talk, we just spun around and around. I love it when a man knows how to lead a dance. It's kind of magical being able to communicate without talking, just by following his lead.
I learned how to dance in the DR when I was on vacation in Punta Cana. I had always been fascinated by the way people danced at quinceaneras and at the parties I went to, so Mom arranged for a guy to come teach me how to dance. It was so fun! He taught me how to move my hips and show off for the people I'm dancing with. I love dancing merengue and bachata, and I love feeling confident in my dancing. Nobody expects a white girl to be able to dance like a Latina.
For some reason I get really bold and flirtatious when I go Latin Dancing. As soon as we got there I started dancing and saw two guys who were just standing there. Of course, being abnormally flirtatious I went and asked one of them to dance. He didn't know how to dance, so I taught him the basics of bachata. He was white and very tall and very awkward and shy, but it was fun teaching him how to dance.
The second guy I danced with asked me where I was from as soon as we started dancing. When I go latin dancing I tell people I am from the Dominican Republic, so I told him. He then told me that that's where his parents are from! Interesting.
The third guy I danced with was a fantastic merenguero. We didn't talk, we just spun around and around. I love it when a man knows how to lead a dance. It's kind of magical being able to communicate without talking, just by following his lead.
sábado, 3 de mayo de 2014
Hiking
So I just got back from Squaw Peak in Provo canyon, which is a notorious make out spot, but also is a hiking trail. Who knew?
Anyways it was about 3.5 miles up from the trail head, but we had to hike about 1.5 miles to the trail head, so it was more hiking than any of us anticipated. Bummer. Also it was hot. Also none of us brought enough water, so we were all feeling kind of dehydrated, and I got a sunburn.
There was a cute little stream that we had to cross five times on the way to the trail head. Guys, I think I am in love. Streams and creeks and rivers and lakes and any freshwater is my favorite. I think if I could have I would have just sat in that stream all day.
And then it was steep when we got to the trail. Seriously we had to stop like every 3 minutes because we were so exhausted. Anyways, now I'm back and I showered and washed my hair (confession: I haven't washed my hair since Monday. It was pretty gross.) and want to just lay in bed.
I love hiking! It makes me feel so happy.
Anyways it was about 3.5 miles up from the trail head, but we had to hike about 1.5 miles to the trail head, so it was more hiking than any of us anticipated. Bummer. Also it was hot. Also none of us brought enough water, so we were all feeling kind of dehydrated, and I got a sunburn.
There was a cute little stream that we had to cross five times on the way to the trail head. Guys, I think I am in love. Streams and creeks and rivers and lakes and any freshwater is my favorite. I think if I could have I would have just sat in that stream all day.
And then it was steep when we got to the trail. Seriously we had to stop like every 3 minutes because we were so exhausted. Anyways, now I'm back and I showered and washed my hair (confession: I haven't washed my hair since Monday. It was pretty gross.) and want to just lay in bed.
I love hiking! It makes me feel so happy.
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